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by: Matt
4-13-03
Well, well. Easter is coming up, the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave as a giant bunny who gives out colored eggs. That can mean only one thing. Candy, of course. So, with Easter on the way, and with extra time on my hands, I present to you this article
Easter Candy!!
Here is the candy. We got Marshmallow Peeps, a Dum-Dum sucker, Jordan Almonds, and a piece of Dubble Bubble gum. I'd have more, but this was all I had in the house, and I didn't feel like going out.
First up: Marshmallow Peeps
I've never really liked these things. It's a marshmallow covered in colored sugar. Eating one of these things is like a punch in the face. A whole box and you won't sleep.
Well, I swallowed my pride and ate the Peep.
Okay, that was bad. Evil bad. I'm not gonna sleep well tonight, on account of all the sugar.
up next: Orange Dum-Dum!!
This is better. I actually like Dum-Dums, and I LOVE Orange Dum-Dums. The Dum-Dums of the Gods. They can do no wrong!
Look at me. I'm beautiful.
I'm sexy, too.
Okay, Dum-Dums were a hit. Now we move on to the next item:
Jordan Almonds!!
If you never had the...experience...of Jordan Almonds, what they are is a regular almond covered in a sugary candy shell. Very sweet. Almost too sweet.
I picked an orange one. Theres really no distinction in flavors, so it was just a color preference. Concidering the experience I've had with orange, I thought I was in the clear with this one
I was wrong.
In case you cant tell, that is me spitting the almond out. It's also the uglyist picture of me ever taken.
After all the horrible, horrible candy, I was starting to get depressed. Would my easter be destroyed? What became of all the good candy? And why do we only get sucky candy on Easter?
Then I remembered.
The ultimate candy.
The Alpha and the Omega.
One candy to rule them all.
I remembered: Gum!!!
I know Dubble Bubble isn't the kind of gum you'd chew every day, but it's gum nonetheless. I rembered this as always being hard at first chew, but it gradually got softer.
Long story short, I was wrong about the gum.
VERDICT: Most of this stuff was crap. The only redeming quality was the orange sucker.
RATING: 2 / 10
EXTRA SPECIAL BOUNUS!!!!
Here's a picture of Usagi Yojimbo ninja kicking a bag of Jordan Almonds!
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